Friday, July 30, 2010

Don't assume you don't need sunscreen because you've never burned before.

You will end up burning so bad that your skin will peel then the skin under that will peel AGAIN.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Don't cry hysterically on the phone with your best friend while trying to find food in your fridge after chugging 5 Crown & Sprites within 30 minutes

Because you will knock out the entire first shelf out of your fridge spilling food and your roommate's giant cup of Monsoon all over your kitchen floor. The next morning you'll wake up next to a cup of lemonade somehow still perfectly balanced and in tact on your bed. Then, you exit your bedroom and find out that the entire hallway is sticky. And at your final destination, you walk to the kitchen and see a mountain of half used paper towels erupting from the trashcan and a shattered jar of spaghetti sauce spilled all over the floor.

Don't chug a whole serving bowl full of gravy for $5

And then throw up afterwards while someone is holding back your braids and another person is videotaping you on their phone.

Don't get motorboated by a stripper and then makeout her

Because your friend told you to and some man in a fancy suit tells you he will pay you twenty dollars if you do. Then after you do the deed, the man never gives you the twenty dollars, yet you tell your friend that you gave said dollars to the stripper because you believed that she needed it more than you do, when in fact, you never actually got the twenty dollars in the first place.

And as a double "don't", Don't ever drink Four Lokos, again.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Don't think that the interior of your laptop is a good place to store your iPod headphones

Because when you open up your laptop to retrieve those headphones, you will find a completely cracked and destroyed laptop screen.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Don't buy anything unless you really love it.

You will end up spending 3 hours somewhere and then go back the next day to return everything because you realize you look fug in that plaid shirt.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Don't play The Hills drinking game with Four Loko

What is Four Loko?

Definition courtesy of Urban Dictionary:

Extremely high abv (11/12%) caffeinated malt beverage that one ups its predecessor, Sparks both by coming in 23.5oz size and containing nearly twice the amount of alcohol. perfect for pregaming, but can easily result in blackouts and various kinds of embarrassing behavior.

Rules of The Hills drinking game

Drink whenever...

Anyone says "like" or "um"

There's awkward staring-at-each-other-in-silence scenes

Justin Bobby is wearing a hat of any sort (yes, hoods count)

There's a dramatic music montage

Spencer says "bro"

Someone's wearing a scarf despite that it's 90 degrees outside

There's a scene showing traffic

There's a scene showing anything that's totally random and has nothing to do with the so-called plot of the current episode.

You see LC's mustache

Don't ever pee in a hotel stairwell