Don't eat a two day old Hot 'n Spicy that you found in the back of your fridge

because you will have to take multiple, back-to-back diarrhea trips to the bathroom all night long while you're trying to study for your Chemical Engineering exam.

Don't pee in the pool after you've taken Azo

because your body will produce a bright orange cloud of urine that will be extremely noticeable to anyone who is swimming in the pool with you.

Don't let your exboyfriend meet up with you at your house.

He will pop back up sooner than you wanted and then tell you he still loves you and a weird scary way and then he'll know where you live.

Don't roll a penny on your steering wheel.

You won't be able to balance the penny vertically and then you will get it caught inside the steering wheel. It will act as a connector and set off your horn for minutes at a time while you drive. You will then have to pay $90 for your dealership to dismantle your steering wheel to find the penny.

Don't pee on top of an oyster bed

Because you will fall on top of it and slice your hand open while trying to run away from neighborhood security, and as you frantically get into your friend's car with your pants halfway down your legs. You will realize you dropped your phone on the way to their car. You tell them "it's ok! We'll get it tomorrow!". After you're dropped off at their house, you run to your car and drunk drive back to the oyster bed where your phone is (You found it yay!) You think you're in perfect condition to drive home, but you blow out one of your tires during the trip and drive the rest of the way home on the tire rim. Hopefully your dad doesn't find out...

Don't take shots of Absolut at 10am.

It will burn more than usual.

Don't leave a cup of iced coffee unattended in your bedroom for weeks

A huge sprawl of maggots will grow and live inside of it and you will be so disgusted that instead of taking it to the dumpster to dispose of it forever, you will immediately run to the balcony of your 2nd floor apartment and throw it as far away as you can. Let's just hope your downstairs neighbor doesn't wonder why there's a maggot infested old cup of iced coffee in their backyard.